Product Description Are you feeling unfulfilled in your current dating life? Do you feel that the passion and attraction are barely there or missing altogether?
Whether you’re looking to find that special someone to spend the rest of your life with or you simply want to enjoy better dates, the fact that you’re reading this means that something is currently missing in your dating life.
Every single person on earth in any type of relationship desires passion and romance in his or her life. Unfortunately, there are a few things about romance most people don’t understand.
In a time where everything is convenient and available almost at the touch of a button, the effort of romance seems as if it takes a goo… More >>
Verbally abusive relationships are those in which a person yells at their partner or criticizes them constantly. Get out of verbally abusive relationships with tips from a life and relationship coach in this free video on dating advice. Expert: Donna Barnes Contact: www.donnabarnes.com Bio: Donna Barnes is a professional life coach, relationship expert, television host, author, columnist and producer, based in New York City. Filmmaker: Paul Muller
Long-distance relationships are difficult over an extended period time, but a short time apart can be fueled by romance through love letters. Learn how to make a long-distance relationship work with tips from a life and relationship coach in this free video on dating advice. Expert: Donna Barnes Contact: www.donnabarnes.com Bio: Donna Barnes is a professional life coach, relationship expert, television host, author, columnist and producer, based in New York City. Filmmaker: Paul Muller
Communication problems are by far the most common reason that couples come in for counseling. However, learning new communication skills does not always address the true cause of their problem.It is the person’s inability to use the skill with his or her partner. The following example shows a couple whose main issue was resolved in just one session by discovering its hidden emotional truth.
After being together for a year and a half, she told Greg that she wanted to take a break from the relationship while she was under so much stress. When I asked Greg how he felt about this, he answered that he was scared and did not want to break up.
I wondered what they hoped to get from therapy, and wondered if they might have two very different goals in coming to see me. It is important for me to understand this first and get a lot of clarity about what each of them are hoping for.
We all agreed that if there was a way for Julie to feel that the relationship helped her with her stress rather than adding more, that would be ideal situation that would create happiness for both of them. However, if this was not able to happen, Julie will leave for as long as it takes for her life to feel more stable. At this point, my job had been defined. Greg was in agreement with this, but said that he would be happy to try anything new that might keep them together.
I began wondering about why some people want to be with their partner when they are under a lot of stress while others want to be alone. It seemed to me that Julie felt under tremendous stress and sought to feel better by taking a break from the pressures of a relationship. However, I know that it is possible for someone to find comfort in a relationship in her situation.I asked her to stay with that feeling and to say to Greg, “I just can’t stay with you…” and let the sentence finish itself without pre-thinking an ending.
She said, “I just can’t stay with you because there is too much pressure.” I asked to continue with the sentence and she said, “I just can’t stay with you because there is too much pressure and I’ll pop.” I then asked her to stay in that feeling and finish the sentence, “There is too much pressure because…” She immediate exclaimed “Because I can’t be myself.”
Once he had this in mind, I asked him just to keep visualizing this image of her feeling distressed and not to do anything to change it. He told me that this was hard for him and it gave him a sinking feeling in his chest. I asked him to stay with that feeling and try saying to Julie, “If I don’t try to change you.” and let the sentence finish itself. He said that he didn’t feel like he was trying to change her, so we changed his sentence to say, “If I just allow you to feel this way and do nothing, then…” He took a few deep breaths and said, “If I just let you feel this way, you will never get better and you will be depressed forever.”
I now felt like I might have a pretty good sense of what was going on, so I asked him to make that a little more explicit. I asked him to try out saying to Julie, “I just can’t let you be sad or fried all the time or you will never get better.” He said that it felt true to say it. I then asked him to go even further and try saying, “Even if it makes you feel pressured to change, I just can’t let you be sad or fried all the time or you will never get better.” Neither of them had had any idea that this was true prior to our session. Greg quickly recognized how significant this was. He said, “Wow. If I can’t stand to just let you feel sad and stressed out, then it makes sense why you don’t feel like you can be yourself around me.”
In a follow up call five months later, Greg told me that he had realized how much pressure he had been putting on Julie to get better and that he had been able to start feeling more comfortable when she felt distressed. He said that they were still together, and that while Julie would still get overwhelmed by work and school and grief over her mother every so often, she no longer would push him away at those times.
